The weather is kicking my ass. Literally. My tail bone hurts so bad. I’ve never had pain in my tail bone. It really sucks. It hurts to sit and it hurts to lay.
I’m dealing with extreme fatigue and loopiness. Yeah, loopiness. I’m no better than a village idiot. I tried working on my Fortran course and well, it was a disaster to say the least. I changed my code a little bit but then I couldn’t remember how to compile the damn program. This is something I’ve been doing in one form or another for years. It’s like all my knowledge just vanished into thin air. Just writing this is something. I can’t think of the word. It makes me feel so pathetic.
Recently I can’t stop crying. I throw up, I cry. I try to sleep, I cry. I sit, I cry. And the things I used to use to make me feel better (reading, studying, art) are beyond me now. I look at the sketch pad and my mind goes blank. I read the same paragraph over and over. I don’t even want to be around the kitties. Their paws hurt me. Gidgette cries outside my door because I latch it instead of leaving it propped open so she can come in at night. Sometimes I give in because I feel guilty. Other times I’m too tired and too sore to even get out of bed, so I leave her out there. What a horrible pet mamma am I?
So what was I saying? Oh yes. The weather. I’d take those horrible 90+ degree days over the rain. Rain doesn’t seem to bother me unless I’m in a flare. And I’m in one hell of a flare right now.
I’ve pretty much exhausted my energy with this. I managed to get toast with a tiny bit of peanut butter down a while ago. I think I’m going to try to take a walk. It’s not raining at the moment…
It feels good to not actively be in a flare. My energy levels are coming back up though I still need a lot of sleep. The meds my rheumy prescribed are still working though I think the Cymbalta might be giving me restless leg stuff at night. Zolft eventually did the same for me so I’m wondering if the Cymbalta is going to do it. I probably should look it up. It’s not so annoying that it prevents me from wanting to stop taking it.
The last thing that seems to be lifting is the fog. I tried working on my programming course and had a few questions for my tutor. I couldn’t even write a coherent email asking my questions because I couldn’t find the words. This is probably the most annoying symptom of fibro for me. The pain and fatigue suck but the brain fog just makes me feel stupid and useless.
But I guess I can only keep moving forward, taking my meds and exercising my brain.
First the good news. The pain has subsided. Well, my shoulders are a bit sore from carrying the cats around. But they made it to Seoul and are in the states now. I miss them to death. It’s weird. They weren’t noisy, but it seems so much more quiet in here.
The bad news. My head is a mess. I start something then I forget what I’m doing so I start doing something else. I feel like I’m getting nothing done. Tomorrow I’ll pick up some more boxes at the grocery store. I don’t have an apartment in Hong Kong yet but my boss is going to start looking Monday. And I’m going to spend some time doing that too. That’s one thing Korea has over Hong Kong. Your housing is taken care of, but it’s usually shitty (see the shoe box I live in now).
Dinner is in the crockpot. I’m making meatloaf. Or something like that. I threw some rice in as a binder. I used salsa as the liquid. This is called clean out the fridge and freezer.
OK. I get the exercise thing. I’m going to punch my rheumy in the nose. He harps on it.
Strangely enough, there is good pain. I started the NYC Ballet Workout. I did ballet as a kid. I had no doubt it would hurt. But this is pain from something that was somewhat fun. It hurts the same way as fibro pain. But it’s pain from using my muscles. Most people would say pain is pain. But if you suffer with pain nearly everyday then there are different types of pain.
I’m not sure if I’m making sense. You know the fun fibro fog thing.