What? Hold the Train?

What the heck.  A small burst of energy?  As in I got up and did stuff before work.  Even the day went quickly.  Also found out the  teacher I replaced did not do the debates in the book called “Exploring Debate”.  Uhm, yeah.  I kind of though that was the purpose.

I only had to go off on one student today.  She decided it would be fun to shred paper during class.  Everyone else left and I handed her the broom and told her to sweep it up.  We have to clean our classrooms every night.  Because I spend the bulk of my time running around, mine never gets dirty enough to *really* need swept every night.  I do it usually on MWF.  But damn if I was  going to waste my precious energy on sweeping up because the kid (a middle schooler) was too bored to pay attention.
There, now I feel better.

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Mobic

My GP put me on Mobic because of the continuing pain, especially in my joints.  I’m not sure if it’s doing any good so far, but it hasn’t been that long.  The only thing it has done is given me a metallic taste in my mouth.  It is listed as an uncommon side effect.  And since I’m the queen of side effects, well, not much I can do.  This isn’t life threatening, just moderately annoying.

I’m going to keep taking it until I see my rheumatolotist, probably early next month.  I’m supposed to leave for Korea around the 21st.

To make things additionally fun, I think I have bronchitis.  I felt kinda crappy all weekend and I really started to cough really bad last night.  My chest and weirdly, the muscles over my hips hurt.   conveniently, today was my doctors day off.  Hopefully she’ll call back early tomorrow so I can get started on something.  I was too tired to go out to get some cough syrup today.  Hopefully tomorrow I’ll have a little bit more energy.

Weather

The weather is kicking my ass.  Literally.  My tail bone hurts so bad.  I’ve never had pain in my tail bone.  It really sucks.  It hurts to sit and it hurts to lay.

I’m dealing with extreme fatigue and loopiness.  Yeah, loopiness.  I’m no better than a village idiot.  I tried working on my Fortran course and well, it was a disaster to say the least.  I changed my code a little bit but then I couldn’t remember how to compile the damn program.  This is something I’ve been doing in one form or another for years.  It’s like all my knowledge just vanished into thin air.  Just writing this is something.  I can’t think of the word.  It makes me feel so pathetic.

Recently I can’t stop crying.  I throw up, I cry.  I try to sleep, I cry.  I sit, I cry.  And the things I used to use to make me feel better (reading, studying, art) are beyond me now.  I look at the sketch pad and my mind goes blank.  I read the same paragraph over and over.  I don’t even want to be around the kitties.  Their paws hurt me.  Gidgette cries outside my door because I latch it instead of leaving it propped open so she can come in at night.  Sometimes I give in because I feel guilty.  Other times I’m too tired and too sore to even get out of bed, so I leave her out there.  What a horrible pet mamma am I?

So what was I saying?  Oh yes.  The weather.  I’d take those horrible 90+ degree days over the rain.  Rain doesn’t seem to bother me unless I’m in a flare.  And I’m in one hell of a flare right now.

I’ve pretty much exhausted my energy with this.  I managed to get toast with a tiny bit of peanut butter down a while ago.  I think I’m going to try to take a walk.  It’s not raining at the moment…

The Right Things

I know what the right things to do are.  Eat right (hard with the gastro troubles I’ve been having), keep a regular sleep schedule, and exercise a bit every day.  I can’t seem to do any of the right things right now.  I basically got a salad on bread (Subway veggie sub) for dinner and I don’t think it’s going to stay down.  Basically the things I can eat reliably without throwing up are jello, pudding and mac ‘n cheese.  Not the healthiest diet.  Note the lack of protein.

The fibro flare up has me tired with fatigue and I’m sure my diet isn’t helping things.  All I want to do is sleep.  Getting out of bed is a challenge.  I’m cold all the time (lack of calories and basic nutrients?) and I just want to stay under the blankets.  I’m back on Tramadol twice a day to try to deal with the pain.  I want to stay in bed under the blankets because I’m so cold, but the weight of the blankets hurts.  A shower is excruciating.

I know I always get through these flares, but I have no idea how I’m going to get through this one.  In a way I can’t wait to get back to Korea (as soon as my visa gets processed, I have a contract) so I can get back into PT.  Right now everything seems bleak.  I don’t see any point in going on.  I’m more depressed in general.

Fatigue

This infection has really taken a toll on my body.  I have zero energy.  Sometimes getting from my bed to the bathroom is just exhausting.  Sometimes all I can do is cry because I’m so tired.  The only consolation is that there is very little pain going on right now, aside from my knee.

Is it frustrating?  Hell yes.  I sleep at night, but all day I’m awake.  Now that’s probably a good thing, but I barely have the energy to move.  I know I should try to get out an exercise, but getting down (and then back up the steps) takes forever given my knee.

I’m not sure what’s worse, the physical or the mental fatigue.  My brain feels like mush.  I could take my computer and stay in bed and work on my Fortran course or learning XCode or whatnot.  But I can barely concentrate on stupid TV.  It would be one thing if I were taking the pain meds.  But I’m not.  In fact I took half of one a bit ago for the first time in days.

So I’ll keep on keeping on.  Not much other choice in the matter.  If I need to cry, I’ll let myself cry.  And that’s a big thing for me.  I don’t cry.